Habitual Failure Pt. 2: Fuck, Jamarcus Russell

Ah, it's been a bit of time since I've been able to write about this subject, examining the fuckhole that is Ryan Leaf's life really took it out of me. However, there are sports douches to be berated, so I must return to my ever noble profession of emotionally decapitating these bastards. On we go, then.

Jamarcus Russell, with standard glazed look of stupidity.
Photo by Brit.

If you are an observant reader, you might have noticed the (perhaps misplaced?) punctuation between Fuck and Jamarcus (and the only thing that gets in between those two concepts is usually just Jamarcus' fat ass). This simple comma denotes much more than its banality implies. I would say simply Fuck Jamarcus Russell, but that really wouldn't depict the great deal of hope I had for him at the beginning of his career. My family's from Louisiana, so, that gave me an excuse to root for them (and you need everyone you can get in the fuckfest that is Bowl season), and I saw a bunch of L-State's games, but the notable one in my mind, of course, being the '07 Sugar Bowl. He was a beast with a Manning-esque laser rocket cannon of an arm, before draft day I could already see him chucking 60 yard bombs to drag the Oakland Raiders out of a Davis-fueled coma.

Brad Neely: This Guy is Funny as Fuck!

Brad Neely, in front of a mysterious plant.
Photo by bobafred.

There are many things from my days in middle school I would gladly leave behind: the pre-jock bullies, the straight up primadonnas, the hellish social atmosphere, the inability to do anything except sit inside and play video games (...maybe that wasn't so bad), and just the general depressing douchebaggery inherent in all middle-schoolers. However, there was one gleaming moment of cultural production that just sings to me from that time in my life, like some fucked up nine-year-old parakeet, singing to me "Wizard People! WIZARD PEOPLE!"

For those of you unfortunate enough to not know the instant nostalgic ramifications of this phrase, let me enlighten you. "Wizard People, Dear Reader!" was a shortly popular but intensely hilarious comedic romp through the land of spoof and parody, taking a much more comfortable viewpoint with the Harry Potter mythos than perhaps most were comfortable with. Created by web-comic artiste Brad Neely in 2004, this comedic masterpiece is simply Neely's narration, on two discs, which are played in sync with the film "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone", using the base plot movements but completely changing the characters and their actions into ideas so much more worthy than some piddling JK Rowling book about emotional preteen wizards.