Bad Calls

These are...
Photo by Robin Kanouse.

It wasn't going to be long before this blog touched on perhaps what is the bane of my existence: referees. There is so much to be said about the notorious act of the bad call, both in example and solution, that it seems misplaced to focus on it too intently. Fuckwits are simply that and do not merit too much consideration, unfortunately so many of them seem to find their way into the refereeing and/or umpiring occupation (maybe there should be an additional category for umpires, say, asshats as opposed to fuckwits).

I use the term occupation with all the heady implications of a dictatorial regime, as it seems that is what has become of the position, old friends of league commissioners obtaining an office which seems to only end at death. We have umps calling baseball games whose eyes are tired yet their egos fresh, ready to willingly dictate the flow of a game and make major decisions for the player, such as when the game ends. Here I refer to the horrendous call by Jerry Meals at the end of the nineteenth inning, a call which ended the game at the seeming will of the umpire, a guy who looks so crotchety and useless in his ump photo that I could mistake him for any old geezer who needed to leave a game early so he wouldn't further delay his regularly scheduled pre-bed shit. 

...the worst...
Photo by Mike Sussman.

Of course, there are all those "revolutionary" sports bloggers out there who say, "Hey! He might've been right! DID I JUST BLOW YOUR MIND OR WHAT!?!?!?" But in sports reality, that was a blown call, even admitted to by Meals, a somewhat endearing move if you didn't have to concentrate so much on the fact that he is a complete fucking failure. And then there's the whole boohoo club who request that the public just "Leave the poor guy alone!" Sure, death threats are a bit extreme for baseball, but imagine if your parent or significant other made a decision that could emotionally impact a whole city or two in a negative way, and the crossfire starts to become clear, if unjust. Still, the man deserves a solid kick to the nuts, if not the public humiliation of crying on national television a la Jim Joyce.

This is a chronic condition with baseball umpires, a situation that easily merits instant replay, however Bud Selig seems intent on making it seem like he's manipulating the league through shitface tactics such as making old friends umps and then refusing to dismiss them for repeated and major mistakes while refusing any form of oversight or even base fucking correction.

However, while chronic in the league, the occupation also faces much disrespect in other sports, namely basketball. Basketball requires a quick eye and particular grace with positioning that would allow a full conception of the lightning-fast play to form. But, when you have guys like Joey Crawford (the near senile, grumpy old asshole of the NBA) maintaining years at a head ref position including many playoff opportunities, you have a problem. Crawford can't get his old head out of his old ass long enough to realize that his numerous rivalries with players on the court cloud his judgement on a game-to-game basis. Complain to this guy and he'll never give you foul shots again. 

...type of people.
Photo by Michael Lee.

And he is not the only one, many NBA refs face near startling accusations of rigging games, however this also reflects the view of David Stern as a maniacal bastard intent on making basketball one big, fluffy, shitty all-star weekend where the same teams win rings year after god damn year. Hopefully the NBA can come out of this lockout with a better sense of how much players should be paid (I have a hint, not in 60 millions dollar servings) and a better sense of how to improve its own hiring practices. Oh and insert reference here about NBA referees betting on games they officiate. Just gotta be sure to throw that in there.

The job of referee or umpire is like the job of mall cop, give an old white man a funny outfit and authority and he's just going to lose his shit and become a completely useless prick.